


Silver

by youngimoo



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngimoo/pseuds/youngimoo
Summary: In the time of Demon civil rights in 90's Japan, Kagome Higurashi meets a hanyou named Inuyasha and falls in love.  Told in three parts, this short fanfiction tells the story of first love, heartbreak, and grief.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha
Kudos: 4





	Silver

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: I do not own Inuyasha by Rumiko Takahashi. This story is based off of Blue is the Warmest Color by Julie Maroh. This is a fan based fiction written in my spare time. I am not getting paid to write this. Please support the original releases.

**PART ONE**

**_My love,_ **

**_By the time you have read this, I will have left this world. I won’t repeat the things you already know, things I was able to tell you during all those years I spent with you. I want to thank you for being with me during that difficult time; the last days in the hospital would have been a nightmare had you not been there. Thanks to you, I can leave peacefully, and I could never thank the universe enough for having met you. I asked my mother to leave you what is most precious to me: my diaries. I want you to be the one to keep them. All of my adolescent memories are in the silver one._ **

**_I love you, Inuyasha, you are my life._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Kagome_ **

He had read the letter many times, the words etched into his brain forever and he would carry it with him. Each time he read it, he would notice new things like words that were erased and rewritten, little creases from her hand resting on the stationary, water marks from possible tears. It had been two weeks. He grieved in the home they shared together in Tokyo, stuck swimming in a pool of negative emotions. He took the last bit of energy he had to fulfill her final wish, to visit her family shrine and read her diaries. Although her mother was fine with it, her grandfather still had his reservations.

As he stepped out of his car in front of her house, he felt a sudden chill go down his spine. How long had it been since she was kicked out of her family home? He pondered this as the front door opened revealing her mother. Her eyes were always kind and she gave a small smile, ushering him inside. He bowed his head and followed her up the stairs to Kagome’s room. Nostalgia swept over him as he recalled the night they spent together here, her mother kept the room the way it was as if preserving the one thing she had left of her daughter.

“I’ll be downstairs.” she said in her kindest voice. “I’ll let you know when dinner is ready.”

Inuyasha nodded, and watched as she closed the door behind her. He let out a small sigh and tried his best to stay composed. He removed his jacket and laid it on the bed before sitting down at her desk. She had three diaries in all of the time he had known her. She never let him read them even after they moved in together. She would often say, “Mystery is good, you don’t need to know my inner thoughts on a daily basis.” When he would give a playful pout she would smile and kiss him sweetly. “I would never keep a secret from you, if you want to know then ask.” 

Inuyasha grabbed the silver book from the top of the pile. The canvas binding had been worn down over time and was soft to the touch. He took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and placed one in his mouth while searching for a lighter. When he located one amongst his belongings, he lit it and inhaled deeply, watching the smoke dance across the air. He had wondered how long it would take to read one book, let alone all three and wondered why she wanted him to read them in one sitting. He brushed off the thought thinking that at least he could do this for her. He placed the book in front of him and opened it to the first page…

****************************************************************************************************

_May 18th, 1997_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is my fifteenth birthday and grandfather has given me you as a present. Even though I have tried and failed many times to keep a diary, I am determined to do so this time._

_I am a first year high school student. I have studied hard to get into my school and will study even more to get into university. I have many close friends…_

Kagome walked into the school and removed her shoes at her locker when Ayumi came up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. Both girls smiled at each other. 

“Turns out the math teacher is sick so no exam today!” Ayumi exclaimed. They walked down the corridor and were joined by Eri and Yuka. 

“Does that mean we have a longer lunch today?” Kagome asked.

“That means we can digest without feeling sick over equations.” said Yuka. The four girls giggled away as they entered their classroom.

_I noticed a boy at my school with a silver sticker on his backpack. He seems like a rebel as we are not allowed to decorate our school issued bags. Oftentimes during lunch in the courtyard, he will walk by and smile at me. Ayumi thinks he has a crush on me but I find it absurd. How can a senior student be looking at me? But one day…_

Kagome grabbed her shoes from the locker and slipped them on. Tucking her slippers away inside, she closed it and made her way towards the front door of the school building when she accidently bumped into someone, dropping her bag and its contents onto the floor.

“I’m so sorry! I’m just in a hurry…” Kagome got on her knees and tried to collect her things. The person she bumped into did the same as Kagome looked up to find a familiar face. Her face turned a shade of red as they made eye contact.

“Don’t worry about it, I was sleepwalking. You gave me a nice adrenaline kick.” He smiled. “So thank you.” Kagome smiled back and both of them stood up. Kagome dusted off her skirt and fidgeted with her school bag. “Lots of books here, you must love reading.” He handed her one of her books. “What year are you?”

“I’m a first year, you?”

“Third. Going to Tokyo University next year.” He smiled widely. “But you’re in a hurry, we can talk again next time.”

“Okay.” she smiled and began backing away. “What’s your name, by the way?”

“I’m Hojo.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kagome.”

“I know.” he smiled widely as Kagome lost him in the crowd of students.

_June 1st, 1997_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I am meeting Hojo. All of my friends have been pushing me to go out with him because he’s super cute and a senior._

Kagome made her way out of the subway station to the main street and walked quickly towards the Shibuya crossing just as pedestrians made their way across.

_My heart beats so fast when I think about what’s about to happen. I feel scared. I have no idea what is going to happen but something is telling me that today is going to be a big day…_

Out in the crowd, Kagome saw a hint of silver. It wasn’t on anyone’s clothing or accessories, no this silver glint came from a head of hair. Kagome raised her gaze more above the crowd until she could get a clear look. The head of hair was attached to a young man with ears of a dog at the top of his head, a hanyou. He wore a shirt that said Equality Now! in bright red letters on white fabric. His clothes were grungy; jeans torn and a flannel shirt. Kagome didn’t know why air had left her lungs at that moment. The man had his arm around a pretty girl which made onlookers look down in disgust at them. But his eyes locked onto hers for a brief moment. Kagome, suddenly feeling shame, quickly looked down at her feet and continued walking through the crowd of people. Kagome turned around and looked over her shoulder and found the man with the silver hair looking back at her. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage.

_Adolescent problems seem trivial to most, but when you’re in the middle of one...how do you know what you’re supposed to do?_

****************************************************************************************************

Kagome’s mother knocked on her bedroom door bringing Inuyasha out of his reading. He opened the door to see her standing there with a cup of tea.

“Thank you, Mrs. Higurashi.” He took a small sip of the hot liquid and watched her gaze at the diaries and the letter Kagome had written him sitting on the table. He quickly set his cup down and folded the letter up before placing it in his jacket pocket. 

“Please forgive my father,” she said sullenly. “You can understand that he’s having a hard time accepting the part you played in my daughter’s life.” Inuyasha knew there was no way of having peace between him and the old man. He had been stuck in his ancestral way of thinking. People like him were the reason Inuyasha had to fight his whole life to be treated like an equal.

“Just tell him that if I was human, Kagome would still have fallen in love with me.” He said it without thinking, and looking into her mother’s eyes made him almost regret how crass he was with his words. He narrowed his eyes in defeat. “Nevermind. I know thinking like this won’t make it any easier.” He grabbed the cup of tea and walked towards the window and gazed out at the shrine while listening to the door close behind him. I messed up with her mother again, he thought as he saw the sacred tree through the window. “I never forgot the doe eyed girl from Shibuya.” he said quietly to himself. “Every time I thought of you, every time I went there...that’s what I called you.” He stared down at the cup and saw the tea leaves forming shapes at the bottom. “If I had known we were running out of time...I wouldn’t have wasted a single moment…” He drank the rest of the tea and sat it on the window sill. “Hojo came to your funeral, you know…”

****************************************************************************************************

Kagome spent the day with Hojo doing what normal couples do; eating food, shopping, watching a movie...But that day, Kagome would see silver in the corner of her eye and would feel disappointed when it wasn’t attached to a man with dog ears. She didn’t know why she felt that way and instead of questioning it, buried her feelings into her time with Hojo. But late at night, her thoughts crept into her dreams. The silver-haired hanyou with his amber colored eyes staring at her at Shibuya crossing. She suddenly felt warmth next to her in her bed, his face inches from hers as he kissed her neck. Kagome felt heat spread throughout her body and pool between her legs. His hands caressed her skin, sliding down her abdomen and sliding beneath her underwear--

Kagome jolted up in her bed feeling a cold sweat on her body. She quickly got up and made her way towards the bathroom. Locking herself in, she splashed cold water on her face. She dried herself with a towel and looked at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. What’s wrong with me? She thought. It seemed so real...How could I dream something like that? She wondered. 

_Dear Diary,_

_I still can’t believe what I dreamed last night._

Kagome made her way towards the entrance of the school and met her friends. They commented on how poorly she looked with the dark circles under her eyes. Kagome stopped their teasing and walked inside saying something about it being too hot today.

_I felt panicked, I have no right to be thinking of such things and yet I feel so lost. I grew up in a world where just thirty or so years ago, demon slavery was abolished, humans and demons were told to never marry, and we have segregated schools. I can’t talk about things like this with my friends, they’ll never understand. I have to forget this nonsense and think about Hojo. He’s great I know...I know he would do anything for me...But why don’t I feel the same?_

Kagome made her way towards the courtyard and sat underneath the cherry blossom tree. The shade made the summer heat more bearable as she lost herself in her thoughts. Hojo approached her and Kagome felt shame and guilt seep through her pores. She hadn’t done anything wrong, but she couldn’t help feeling this way. 

“Kagome, I don’t know if you’re avoiding me…” She had crossed her arms and felt even more guilt knowing that she did in fact ignore his note he left in her locker this morning and didn’t pick up when he called her last night. “I didn’t have a chance to say it yesterday…But I really like you--”

_I am a human girl...and human girls date human boys…_

Kagome stood on her tiptoes and pulled Hojo by his shirt to kiss him. It was her first kiss and she felt nothing but obligation from it. Hojo, blind in his adoration for her, took it as a sign of mutual feelings and went on dating her as if nothing was wrong. But Kagome felt a gnawing at the pit of her stomach and knew this relationship was destined to fail.

After dating for a month or so, Kagome went to a hotel with Hojo, telling her mother she would be spending the night at Yuka’s. They had done nothing but kissing until this point but Kagome knew she would have to get the deed over with if she wanted to keep Hojo in her life. As clothes piled to the floor, Kagome felt nothing but sheer anxiety and panic and right before anything happened, Kagome began to cry. She covered herself with a pillow and sat up with her face hung low. Hojo out of great concern, held her from behind and soothed her with kind words that seemed to only make the situation worse.

“Kagome, say something. Are you okay?” She said nothing and heard him remove the condom from his member and toss it into the wastebasket. “If we’re moving too fast, we can stop here. It’s okay to be afraid during your first time.” He rubbed her shoulders but she felt disgust. It was not the intimacy she thought she wanted. “Kagome, please don’t feel like I’m in a hurry. We can wait as long as you need--” Kagome quickly sat up and put on her clothes. “What are you doing?” Staying silent, she finished zipping up her skirt and grabbed her bag off of the floor. Hojo quickly put on his boxers and rushed towards her before she walked out the door. He grabbed her by the waist, sliding to the floor on his knees and placing his cheek next to her stomach. “Stop! Why are you leaving?!” he exclaimed.

“Because I don’t know what I’m doing here, Hojo!” He looked at her with hurt in his eyes. 

“Kagome, please. I love you. Please stay, there are no more trains at this hour!” Kagome used all of her strength to push him off of her.

“I’ll take a taxi.” She didn’t dare look back as she shut the door behind her.

When Kagome got home, her mother came to her in a panic. She demanded to know why she was coming home so late when she was supposed to be at a friend’s. Kagome brushed her off and told her something about not feeling well before holding herself up in her room. She collapsed against the bed and cried herself to sleep.

****************************************************************************************************

_July 1st, 1997_

_Dear Diary,_

_I’ve already told you about what happened with Hojo and I but I still need to talk about it. I can’t stop thinking about what happened (and what didn’t happen) and I hate myself more and more. But I’m going out with him so sex is what’s supposed to happen...isn’t it? I feel so lost and alone. I don’t know what to do and feel like everything I do is unnatural...against nature. Why does life seem to work for others and not me?_

Inuyasha leaned back in the seat and lit a cigarette. Inhaling deeply, he took a moment before exhaling. Life doesn’t work for everyone else either. He thought before quickly extinguishing the cigarette and opening the window to air out the room. He heard footsteps in the hallway and hoped that her mother wouldn’t notice the smell. She opened the door and looked at him with kind eyes.

“Dinner is ready. Do you still like curry?”

“Yes, thank you. I’ll be down shortly.”

Kagome’s grandfather poured himself a shot of sake as Inuyasha sat down across from him. Kagome’s mother served him a bowl of rice and sat down next to her father. Inuyasha felt the old man’s eyes pierce him as they ate in silence. 

“You know, I can leave after dinner if I bother you so much.” Inuyasha said while looking down at his food.

“Nonsense, there’s no problem. Really.” Kagome’s mother smiled at him. Inuyasha wondered if it was genuine or not.

“I see you’re still smoking.” Kagome’s grandfather said in disgust. “At least Kagome didn’t pick up that habit from you.” Inuyasha stared daggers at the old man as he watched him drink another shot of sake.

“Dad please! We just buried my daughter!”

“Exactly why I don’t understand having this filthy mongrel who drove her to the grave in our home!”

“You’re being absurd! Kagome wanted Inuyasha to be here and we’re going to respect her wishes!” Inuyasha stood up to excuse himself and made his way towards the stairs. Kagome’s grandfather began his rant on youkai taking over the country and how they should be killed like in the good old days when Inuyasha shut the bedroom door. He sighed heavily as he sat down at her desk. 

“Your grandfather clearly grieves in his own way.” Inuyasha said aloud. He rubbed his temples and lit a new cigarette hoping the smell would reach downstairs to further anger the old man. He opened the diary and noticed that Kagome hadn’t written anything from July to November.

****************************************************************************************************

_November 16th, 1997_

_Dear Diary,_

_For months now I have been staring at the walls of my bedroom asking a lot of questions about myself. But today I feel like a good person and a good citizen of Japan._

Kagome and her friends had joined protesters in a demonstration against the government for the financial crisis that was putting the country in turmoil. They marched in the streets with hundreds of people.

_I’ve never seen a crowd like this before! Today did a lot of good for me. As far as my love life is concerned...I have broken up with Hojo. I did it a few days after almost sleeping with him. Every time I thought about him, it hurt and I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I made him very unhappy. He had tried getting us back together but I explained to him that it wasn’t his fault. I told him to go to university and forget about me. He was really stuck on me and I worried he wouldn’t do well in school but I heard he is fine._

_Soon, I will be 16. My mother continues to worry about everything, my grandfather has become even more bitter with age, and I am trying to do my best at school. But at night...I can’t seem to stop having those dreams...I don’t want to suppress them anymore..._

****************************************************************************************************

Inuyasha woke up on Kagome’s bed, clutching her diary to his chest. He looked outside the window and saw darkness. It was almost three am according to the alarm clock on the bedside table. Inuyasha rubbed his eyes and sat up to fluff the pillow when he saw something poke out of the pillow case. He pulled it out and saw it was a picture of him and Kagome. She was smiling widely with his arm around her.

_December 7th, 1997_

_Dear Diary,_

_I wish to stay in bed all day, away from the cold. I wish I had someone to share my feelings with but just thinking about talking about it makes me so nervous I can’t breathe. There must be other people who feel the same way…_

****************************************************************************************************

Kagome had been scribbling in her diary when Sango approached her with a smile. They hadn’t been very close but Sango was a very good person and Kagome could trust her. Sango could also tell when something weighed heavily on one’s mind. Feeling something was bringing her down, Sango walked with her home and let her talk.

“I’m so embarrassed.” Kagome sighed, walking with her head down.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Sango said cheerfully. “You know, I hit on a youkai once.” This made Kagome look up quickly. Sango smiled at her. “Oh I get it now. You still have some prejudices even though you’ve discovered that love comes in different forms.”

“I’m not in love!” Kagome exclaimed.

“Your view of love is limited and close-minded, that’s why you didn’t understand your lack of feelings for Hojo.” She punched her softly on the shoulder. “Kagome, you can’t control everything.” Kagome nodded her head then looked Sango in the eye.

“So who was the youkai?”

“If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.” she teased. They both chuckled.

_January 2nd, 1998_

_Dear Diary,_

_At the New Year’s party, I went a little overboard. Sango and I had a mutual friend get us into a college party where alcohol was served._

“Kagome, how many of those have you had?” Sango asked as Kagome poured herself another cup. 

“A-A-A few…” she giggled. “This is the best party ever!” Sango watched her chug her drink and pushed the bottle away from her grasp.

_I had thrown up so much that I thought my entire body would remove itself from me. Not just my guts...but my thoughts and memories too...In spite of it all, I felt like I had moved past that horrible event. I felt at peace for the first time. I had been so happy that I had stopped writing and focused on my exams, hanging out with my friends, and trying new things._

_But maybe it’s stupid to live life one day at a time without looking for something meaningful…?_

_Now that I’ve tipped the scales...I don’t know whether to go with it or not._

Sango invited Kagome to go to a nightclub where they wouldn’t be carded. This club was bound to have youkais around. Sango, who had had experience in these places, dressed up in a short dress and heels while Kagome had worn only a pair of jeans, flats, and a simple blouse. 

“Stick close to me, okay?” said Kagome nervously. Sango linked her arm with Kagome’s.

“Of course! I’ve got you covered tonight!” She smiled widely. 

The girls spent a few hours at the club but Kagome felt out of place the whole time. She followed Sango like a sad puppy and watched as she met with random guys there. When they decided to leave, Sango had a guy’s arm wrapped around her and Kagome trailed behind. They walked the busy streets and Kagome felt like she was in a daze. Looking up she saw a small bar with many humans and youkai walking in and out. Not knowing what compelled her, Kagome looked at Sango’s back and decided to say nothing and walked into that bar. 

When she walked in, she felt all eyes on her. She walked towards the back of the bar and tried to give off the idea that she had been there before. But just then her eyes caught a glimpse of silver hair. She held her breath knowing she could easily be disappointed again but as she inched herself closer, she saw the dog ears and amber colored eyes. He was taking out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and grimacing when the girl next to him kissed him on the cheek. He placed the cigarette in his mouth and suddenly locked eyes with her. His face changed to one of recognition. Kagome felt she would faint at any moment as her heart threatened to burst through her ribcage. Before doing something foolish, Kagome turned around and quickly sat down at the bar. She ordered water and fidgeted with her napkin. 

While Kagome had sat down at the bar, Sango had turned around to notice her friend was missing. In a panic, she attempted to leave when the gentleman she was with grabbed her arm.

“Forget her.” he said. Sango, who was irate at this point, pushed the guy away from her and bolted towards the last place she saw Kagome.

Kagome had drunk all of her water and was playing with the straw in her glass when the bartender came up to her.

“Gonna order anything else?” she looked up and before she could respond, a voice came from behind her.

“Let me buy you a drink.” Kagome turned and her eyes went wide. That voice sent shivers down her spine, she swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

“O-Okay.” she managed to squeak out a response.

“Lemonade please.” he said as he threw money down. He grabbed the stool next to her and sat down. “I swear I could drink lemonade until I’m sick.”

“Do you do that with everything you like?” Kagome blushed. He smirked a bit then pulled out a cigarette from his pack. 

“Thank you.” she said as the bartender handed her her drink.

“It’s rare to see people like you here.”

“People like me? You mean human?”

“No,” he leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “Underaged.” He pulled back and gave a small nod of his head and lit his cigarette. Kagome blushed and took a sip of her drink. “What’s your name?”

“Kagome.”

“And how do you like your drink, Kagome?”

“It’s very good.” she giggled and bit her bottom lip. She felt warmth on her knee and looked down to see that he had inched his own next to hers. She didn’t dare move it as it had sent fireworks throughout her body. “So what is your name?”

“His name is Inuyasha.” We both turned around to see the girl who had kissed him earlier. Her arms were crossed and she looked irate. Inuyasha sighed and stood up.

“Kagome, this is Kikyo. My girlfriend.” He put out his cigarette as Kikyo wrapped her arms around him.

“Everyone’s heading out, are you coming with us?” She shot a sideway glance at Kagome and gave her a look that made her feel anxious. She bit her tongue and put her head down.

“I’ll join you in five minutes.” Inuyasha kissed her forehead and sent her on her way. When she was out of earshot, Inuyasha turned to Kagome. “So what school do you go to, Kagome?”

Some time later, Kagome walked outside and found Sango walking towards the bar.

“Kagome!” she quickly ran to her. “You scared the hell out of me! I looked everywhere for you! Where on Earth did you go?!”

Kagome walked in a daze and she couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

_I couldn’t feel anything. It felt like I had pure bliss coursing through my veins, filling me up through my core. Everything that has been happening to me has a name...Inuyasha. His name is Inuyasha._

  
  



End file.
